


the matchmakers

by bluebeholder



Series: the accidental epic [13]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Everybody Is Tired Of The Pining, M/M, Matchmaking, Scheming, Suitcase Family, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 22:09:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11090928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluebeholder/pseuds/bluebeholder
Summary: Everyone is really, really tired of watching Credence stare longingly at Graves when his back is turned and watching Graves act like Credence hung the moon. Someone has to do something. Since there are only four other someones in a fifty-mile radius, it's going to have to be the rest of the suitcase family.





	the matchmakers

**Author's Note:**

> A timestamp for the beginning of Chapter 28 of _a better mirror_. For just a moment, we're going to step OUTSIDE of Graves' point of view and experience the world through the eyes of Tina Goldstein. I hope you all enjoy. :)

“Queenie, what is this cloak-and-wand nonsense?” Tina asks as Queenie peers out of the tent again before shutting the flap and tying it off. Her sister is impossible, sometimes. 

“Yeah—why did you call all three of us?” Jacob asks.

Newt, Occamy wrapped around his neck and practically strangling him, adds, “And why in the world did you send Credence and Percival off on their own like that?”

“Because we have to _do_ something,” Queenie says, turning around in a flourish of despair. 

“About what?” Tina asks warily, folding her arms. 

Queenie huffs. “About Percival and Credence!”

Jacob rubs his face. “We can’t go sticking ourselves in their business.”

“No, I agree,” Newt says, finally getting the Occamy out from around his neck. “It’s been like watching a pair of Peteu decide whether or not they’ll mate. Dancing, preening, gift-giving, coy looks…I spent a month in Vergisson in France before the birds even started building a bower. I just can’t stand watching Percival and Credence do the same thing.”

“Newt, come on,” Tina says. She adores him, she really does, but sometimes… “They aren’t birds.”

“They’re worse,” Newt says. “They’re _people_. At least the Peteu don’t reject each other over small things like age or guilt or whatever rubbish Percival is panicking about now.”

Tina sighs. “Is he _really_ upset about ages? Really?” It’s not unheard of in the magical community to have even greater age gaps than the one between Credence and Graves. Wizards tend to live longer than No-Majs. Chances are very good that if they stay together that by the time Credence is forty Percival will still have all his mental faculties intact and remain physically capable of things a No-Maj his age probably couldn’t manage. So that’s a moot point.

“He’s upset about ages,” Jacob confirms. “And I’m guessing he’s also nervous of hurting Credence again. Which. I’ve talked to Credence and he’s got a real handle on taking care of himself.”

“Don’t tell us that we can’t go sticking ourselves in their business when you’ve already done just that!” Newt says. “Percival is really unhappy. Credence isn’t too well off himself.”

“They’re both _miserable_ ,” Queenie says. “I can hear them all the time, just pining away at each other.” She massages her temples with a wince.

Jacob heaves an exasperated sigh. “I told Graves to do something before things go to hell again.”

Tina rolls her eyes. “Obviously he hasn’t. So what exactly do you want us to do, Queenie?”

“Anything!” she cries. 

There’s a pause.

“We could just lock them in their room until they confess their feelings,” Tina says. A practical solution, there. One that won’t end in Graves hexing them all into next century for being interfering busybody matchmakers.

Jacob shakes his head. “No, that won’t work. Graves is too damn stubborn.”

Queenie’s eyes pop wide and she turns to Newt. “Absolutely _not_!”

“All I’m saying is that some Helianthus aphroditus pollen would solve a lot of problems!” Newt says defensively. “It worked on the Graphorns!”

“We are _not_ drugging them!” Tina shouts. 

Newt folds his arms. “Then what do you suggest?”

Tina shrugs. “I suggest not doing anything. But if we’ve got to do something, then let’s do something _normal_.”

“I think we’d better start with Credence,” Jacob says. “He seems pretty fed up at this point. Might go for it, we give him the chance.”

“We’ve got to get them close,” Newt muses. “ _Very_ close. So Percival can’t just run off.”

Tina covers her face with her hands. “Are we even sure Graves _wants_ this?”

Jacob claps her heartily on the back. “Queenie said it!”

Queenie’s eyes narrow. “I think I’ve got an idea. And just in time, too.”

“Hey!” Credence calls from outside. “Anyone here?”

Newt yanks open the tent flap, looks around, and pulls Credence inside. “Percival isn’t back yet,” he says, by way of explanation.

Credence stares around at all of them. “…should I be worried?” he asks, taking a step back.

“Sit down, honey,” Queenie says. “We’ve got a proposal for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Peteu: A mythic French bird. [It’s kinda fun.](https://abookofcreatures.com/2016/01/29/peteu/) As usual, I multiplied it.  
> Helianthus aphroditus: “Sunflower of Desire”. Invented by yours truly, just to make a sex pollen joke. I am the Worst.


End file.
